Why am I doing this?
I’m starting to have fun. But this is hard gang. I am very wishy-washy about putting myself out there. Especially these days.
Thanks for reading <3
A Song For The Road:
Why did I start a blog? As a woman who historically hates sharing my writing, and who is terrified of being judged, deep in my soul, why am I doing this?
Well, everyone else is talking.... and frankly, not many people make a lot of sense right now. So I might as well talk too! I've always loved talking, my whole life I've been a chattttterbox. First thing in the morning is when I really shine. That has been a point of contention in my life, because I want to talk, but I don't want to debate. So I figured by writing more, maybe I'd have less things to say. Unfortunately, the opposite is happening.
I really have been quite afraid to use my voice throughout my life. In school, I was a total goody-two-shoes. I remember the only two times I ever got reprimanded in class: kindergarten and 8th grade. I was terrified of taking up space, of upsetting someone, of being perceived ‘wrong’. I have been trying to stretch ever since, and I wonder where the cage even came from. That’s one for therapy…. or a blog.
I would say I am experiencing another step of "spiritual awakening" if you want to use those words. God is blessing my whole life right now, and I am thankful for every angel. I'm finding feathers, coins, angel numbers and repeating patterns everywhere. I do feel optimistic about the future of humanity, which is just crazy because there is a LOT of doom right now. We have a long road ahead of us, but we're going to be alright. Many folks are starting to understand the need to take care of their own patch of land, and that's a HUGE learning curve for the current generations. It might be delusional, but it feels good to feel looked after in a higher sense. It's been a rough go up to now.
My roommate and I talked about 9/11 this morning. Younger friends question, "Why are you always talking about that?" "Because it changed the whole world irrevocably forever?? Maybe?" They don't understand because they weren't born yet. We barely understand because we have much older siblings and it was our first memories. It seems that every single moment of our lives has been chaos, disaster, crisis, crash, etc after another. My mom confessed one night that if she had known how things were going to go in the world, she might have thought differently. I will be grateful that she had hope for a better future, or I might not be here to publish my thoughts on the internet.
So, why start a blog? Because I have a lot to say. Because I wanted to make sure that people who read this might actually give a shit about who I am, enough to click a whole link. Because I am learning to not give a shit about how others see themself in me. I am a great mirror so I’m finding out. I can only control myself, and hopefully this lil baby blog will be a tool to not be so reactive to the world.
This is all really just for fun, to feel like an imperfect little human. I'm having a blast. Can't you tell?
From a semi-recent photoshoot with my friend Jack.
