Tell Me I’m Pretty
Just because I already know, doesn’t mean i don’t want to hear it. especially on date night.
Thanks for reading <3
A Song For The Road:
It was date night and he never told me I looked pretty. I put on makeup, a skirt even, and not a whisper. Instead of saying anything to him, I am writing my hurt feelings here. I worry that saying something will start a fight, whether that’s between us or internally in him. Unfortunately, I am tired of hard conversations and explaining shit that seems obvious.
Moving across the country was not in the plan when we met. I honestly didn’t think he would come in the first place. I worried he would be too scared to make the leap. And now, we are isolated, across the continent from everyone we know in the world, and he is struggling. I see it, I feel it, and I’m losing my patience for it. I miss the partner I had before we moved, but what I’m realizing is that, this IS the partner I had before, I just didn’t see it. I saw the way he showed up for me, not the way he refused to show up for himself.
It feels silly to be upset over something so trivial. The lack of a compliment from the man who sees me every day. I don’t know if I get to be upset about this, or if I am just being selfish. But for fuck’s sake, I planned the date, paid for the date, made sure he knew the plan, helped him pick an outfit for the date, and all I wanted was to smile a little and maybe hold hands, and to be told I look beautiful tonight.
But we didn’t smile a little. It was a comedy show and we barely laughed. We didn’t hold hands. When I put my hand on his leg I just got the look that says, “I’m being as polite as I can, please don’t touch me right now.” And he didn’t tell me I look beautiful or that it was a nice night or that he was excited for the show, or anything. We spent most of our night in silence.
I don’t want to feel doomed. I don’t want to break up. But this isn’t a partnership, it’s barely even a relationship. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to keep containing my hurt feelings because the people in my life aren’t emotionally mature enough to see that I am upset but I also understand. I can see that he is struggling, but I can’t help and he is stuck. He doesn’t know what else to do for himself. He can’t see that he is doing nothing, or maybe he can and that’s why he has an attitude.
How long am I supposed to let my needs be unmet for the sake of understanding where other people are at? How many people do I have to leave behind because it isn’t fair to myself to keep waiting?
A Date Night Pic for the Girls, of course!
